Falling in Love with the Pas de Deux

Name: Falling in Love with the Pas de Deux
ISBN: 9787510029424

李中莹World Publishing Corporation Beijing Branch2011

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Chapters: 1
Series: Li Zhongying Classic Book Series
ISBN: 9787510029424

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Summary

Falling in Love with the Pas de Deux is a practical book by the Chinese NLP trainer Li Zhongying that uses psychology and NLP techniques as tools to discuss love and marriage relationships. The title comes from one of his metaphors: a successful marriage is like a well-coordinated pas de deux, requiring coordinated steps and mutual response, rather than one partner leading alone while the other passively follows. Centered on the theme of "moving from 'I' to 'we,'" the book unfolds in seven parts. It first clarifies core concepts and techniques in love and marriage, including how to understand "love," how to distinguish "love" from "possession," how inner "photographs" affect mate selection, the five fatal wounds of marriage, and the "space time" method for building shared beliefs and shared values. It then discusses the personal growth that must be completed before a relationship begins, drawing on Erikson's five stages of personality development, the NLP concept of self-worth, and the perspective of family constellations to explain the problems that easily recur in relationships when one is not psychologically mature. Next it addresses premarital issues, such as the three fatal shortcomings of a marriage partner, early romance, and marriageable age. It then analyzes eight common dilemmas in marriage one by one—for example, one partner growing while the other stands still, loss of attraction, failure to understand each other, disagreement, the appearance of a third party, neglecting each other because of children or work, separation due to living in different places, and tension from living with elderly parents. The fifth part offers concrete methods for maintaining a loving and harmonious relationship, the sixth discusses coping after a marriage breaks down, and the seventh addresses emotional and stress management. The book intersperses discussions of several real cases; its language is direct and its techniques actionable, making it suitable for readers who want to manage their relationships more maturely.

Editor's review

在自我被无限鼓励和放大的年代，人们很容易习惯当独舞的主角：想要和谐的亲密关系，却怕迈错腿、用错力。李中莹这本书的可贵之处，是把“经营感情”从空泛的心灵鸡汤拉回到可练、可用的动作上。他借用NLP关于内感官、自我价值、先跟后带的技巧，配合埃里克森人格发展阶段和家庭系统排列的视角，先讲清楚“爱”与“拥有”、“我”与“我们”的区别，再把婚姻中常见的困境逐条拆解：一方成长一方停滞、失去吸引力、被孩子和工作挤掉的位置、两地分隔、与长辈同住的张力……书里没有教条式说教，而是用“错爱马夫”“丈夫绝情”这样真实的个案，让读者看到问题是怎么一步步形成的。初版自2005年问世后持续畅销，被不少高校列入恋爱情感类推荐书目，也是李中莹“恋爱、婚姻关系”课程的指定读物。想要更成熟地爱、也更成熟地做自己的人，可以把它当作一本放在手边反复翻阅的关系练习册。

Who it's for

A good fit for

正在恋爱或筹备结婚，希望少走弯路的年轻读者
婚姻进入平淡期或矛盾期的夫妻
对NLP与心理技巧在亲密关系中如何应用感兴趣的人
高校心理、婚恋辅导相关的学生与从业者

Not a good fit for

期待严格学术心理学论著与实证数据的读者
希望读到小说式情节或浪漫散文的读者
拒绝任何技巧化方法论、偏好纯哲学式爱情观的人

Reading tips

先读第一部分，弄清“爱”与“拥有”、婚姻五大致命伤等核心概念，再进入具体问题章节。
读到个案讨论时，可先自问“如果是我会怎么做”，再对照作者的拆解，印象更深。
把“太空时间”“内感官配合”“先跟后带”等技巧挑一到两个，在与伴侣的日常互动中实际练习。
读完第七部分后，可间隔一段时间重读，配合自己关系中的变化检视进度。

About the publisher

World Publishing Corporation Beijing Branch China · Founded in 1986

World Publishing Corporation Beijing Branch has long taken psychology, social science and popular science books as an important publishing direction. Its existing collection of 54 titles covers common categories such as applied psychology, social psychology, Eastern philosophy, history, inspirational growth and popular science. Representative books include Winnicott's The Child, the Family and the Outside World, The Infant and the Mother, The Family and the Growth of the Child and Winnicott's Words to Parents, Kohut's The Restoration of the Self and The Analysis of the Self, as well as Four Thousand Years of the Jews (two volumes) and Tang Yijie on Chinese Philosophy. Representative authors include Donald Winnicott, Heinz Kohut, Paul Johnson, authors connected with Tang Yijie studies, and Li Lun, Xu Haochong, Guan Yanhong, Zou Yun and He Bei. The press emphasizes introducing overseas works in psychology and the humanities and social sciences while also publishing Chinese philosophy and history titles, forming a knowledge-oriented publishing profile for both general and professional readers. As public information is limited, this overview of its publishing direction is based only on the information available in the collection.

Li Zhongying Classic Books Series

FAQ

这本书是讲爱情理论还是可操作的技巧？

两者兼有。前半部分澄清对爱与婚姻的常见误解，后半部分给出“太空时间”“内感官配合”“先跟后带”等可以照着练习的沟通技巧，并配有真实个案讨论。

没有心理学或NLP基础能读懂吗？

可以。书中对NLP的自我价值、内感官等概念都做了通俗解释，语言口语化，不需专业背景；若想更深入，可再读作者关于NLP的其他著作。

这本书有几个版本，该买哪一版？

初版由世界图书出版公司于2005年出版，2011年推出第2版，副标题为“如何拥有和谐的恋爱、婚姻生活”，并归入“李中莹经典图书系列”，此为流传较广的版本。内容框架一致，选自己容易买到的版本即可。

书适合已婚多年、关系冷淡的夫妻读吗？

适合。第四部分专门讨论“对方失去吸引力”“因孩子或工作忽略对方”等长期关系中的典型问题，第六部分还谈了婚姻已经破裂时的应对，对处于冷淡期或困境中的读者更有针对性。

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About the author

李中莹 Author

Li Zhongying is an author of books in the fields of applied psychology and inspirational personal growth in the Chinese-language book market. Public information about him is limited, and no clear record of his life, nationality, or educational background is available. Nine of his works are currently included in the collection, with representative titles such as Reshaping the Mind: Everyone Has the Ability to Make Themselves Successful and Happy, the Brief Quick Psychosomatic Positive Therapy set, and Mental Intelligence: The Underlying Thinking Behind Business Miracles. His writing spans psychological self-help, psychosomatic therapy, and business management thinking, focusing on adjusting one's inner state and changing mental models. His style tends to be accessible and practical, using methods, exercises, and cases to guide readers toward self-awareness. Brief Quick Psychosomatic Positive Therapy was published as a two-volume set, suggesting a certain length and systematic approach, while the 21-Day Life Energy Journal reflects an attempt to bring psychological practice into daily record-keeping. These works show a distinctly practical orientation within applied psychology and personal growth, suited to general readers who wish to use reading for self-adjustment.