The Bonds of Maternal Love

Name: The Bonds of Maternal Love
ISBN: 9787111513100

卡瑞尔.麦克布莱德 / 于玲娜China Machine Press · ChinaNov 2025

4.2

Word count: 120K words
Chapters: 123
ISBN: 9787111513100

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Summary

Chinese families are facing severe strain, especially in child-rearing. Many parents grew up in an era of deprivation; their unexamined wounds and unmet needs lead them, often unconsciously, to seek compensation through their children (frequently an only child): overprotecting and indulging them on the one hand, while demanding excessive academic achievement on the other. A fiercely competitive environment heightens their insecurity, so many resort to extreme coercion in education, substituting their own experience for their children's and suppressing their children's thinking with their own "truths"—stunting their potential and stifling their self-growth. In China, mothers who care about their children's development need this book. It helps women understand themselves and their mothers (or daughters), and helps therapists understand their clients. It helps us not only understand ourselves but also remake ourselves.

Editor's review

This book turns its attention to an often overlooked yet profoundly influential dimension of relationships: how mother-daughter relationships shape women's self-perception and parenting. From a psychotherapy perspective, the author discusses how mothers' unrecognized deprivation and trauma from their own upbringing can unconsciously turn into overprotection, excessive expectations, or forced arrangements for their children. The book analyzes the mechanisms of intergenerational transmission and offers pathways to understand and reshape the self. For contemporary Chinese families, its value lies in reminding readers that educational problems are often not merely about methods but about relationships and emotions. The narrative balances professionalism and readability, making it suitable for reading in a quiet setting while reflecting on oneself, and for discussing with trusted friends or counselors. It is not a simple parenting-skills manual but a psychological book that helps women look back on their own growth and rethink parent-child relationships.

Who it's for

A good fit for

Mothers concerned about parent-child relationships who want to understand their own parenting style
Women who feel confused or oppressed in their mother-daughter relationships
Psychological counselors and therapists who need to understand clients' family backgrounds
General readers interested in intergenerational trauma and self-growth

Not a good fit for

Readers who only want immediate parenting techniques and action checklists
Professional students expecting a systematic psychology textbook or clinical diagnostic manual
Readers unwilling to reflect on their own upbringing and only wanting to judge others

Reading tips

Read through once first, marking passages that resonate; do not rush to conclusions or identify yourself with every example.
When reading chapters about the mother's behavior, simultaneously record your feelings both as a daughter and as a mother.
After each chapter, take a few minutes to sit quietly and connect the book's concepts with your own family experience.
If emotional reactions are strong, slow down or talk with someone you trust or a professional before continuing.

About the publisher

China Machine Press China · Founded in 1950

In addition to science and technology and professional publishing, the books in our catalog from China Machine Press also reflect a sustained focus on psychology, computing, management, finance and economics, and social sciences. In psychology, the catalog includes works by C. G. Jung and introductions to analytical psychology, as well as applied topics such as stress and health, and addiction and healing. In computing, it features Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs (JavaScript Edition). Management and finance titles include Administrative Behavior (4th Edition), The Price of Inequality (Collector's Edition), and This Time Is Different: Eight Centuries of Financial Folly (Commemorative Edition). In the philosophy and history of science, there is The Worldview: The Third Edition. Relevant authors include C. G. Jung, William McGuire, Sonu Shamdasani, and Gabor Maté. Public information is limited; the above summarizes the publisher's profile based solely on the books in our catalog.

版权信息
赞誉
推荐序一
推荐序二
译者序
致谢
作者声明
引言
第一部分发现问题
第1章情绪的重负
为什么我如此缺乏自信
为何聚焦母女之间
什么是自恋
如果母亲不跟女儿建立亲情关系
迎接希望，告别否定
问卷
第2章空白的记忆：妈妈和我
10根毒刺
我在镜中何处
第3章母性自恋面面观
事必躬亲型母亲
心不在焉型母亲
事必躬亲和心不在焉行为的混合
母性自恋的6张面孔
第4章爸爸在哪里：自恋温床的其余部分
爸爸在哪里
兄弟呢
极端的姐妹
金玉其外，败絮其中
第5章形象就是一切：小脸笑一笑
形象比感受更重要
展现“正确”的形象：母亲的倒影
真正的倒影
第二部分自恋母亲如何影响了生活的方方面面
第6章我这么努力！高成就动机型女儿
那么，这是什么意思
不会照顾自己
内部认可和外部认可
我是不是骄傲自大了
我是个名不副实的冒名顶替者吗
水晶鞋合脚吗
第7章这有什么用：自我破坏型女儿
为什么会自我破坏
让我麻痹自己的痛苦吧
我们都在努力
寻找替代家长
第8章不切实际的想法：妈妈没能给我的爱，要在其他地方得到
当关系结束时
我们为什么会这样择偶
被依赖型关系
依赖型关系
独处的人
浪漫之后的压力
第9章救命！我变成我妈妈了：当女儿做了妈妈
警告：物极必反
流露出自己做得不够好的想法
你怎样使用“同情心”
我的孩子是优等生
那些叫作感受的麻烦事儿
我的女儿，我的朋友
要照顾好自己，但不要与世隔绝
第三部分终结遗传
第10章第一步：感受比外表更重要
康复的三个步骤
进一步认识治疗
接受母亲的缺点
如何判断我有没有完全接受母亲的缺陷
教会自己悲伤
痛苦的几个阶段
写日记
为那个自己从未有过的母亲感伤
预料中的内疚感
第11章亲近与独立：从母亲身边独立出来
为什么心理上从母亲那里独立出来对你的心理健康很重要
独立到底意味着什么
怎样摆脱以母亲为中心的状态
独立的标准
第12章做一个本真的女人：命中注定的女儿
内在母亲
精神崩溃
敏感的人
我到底是谁
本色女人拼贴画
我的价值观是什么
如果我表现得已经足够优秀
在记忆练习中找到自己的兴趣
让我们来谈谈自私
身体健康
发现潜能
展现你的激情
第13章轮到我了：在治疗中与母亲相处
那些没法治愈的方面
带刺的母亲
普通关系
临时隔离
在母亲面前建立底线
带妈妈去做心理治疗
关于你的治疗，应该跟妈妈说些什么
只有自己才能治愈自己
如果妈妈已经去世了怎么办
理解母亲的性格
历史眼光
原谅
母亲的礼物
爱，而不是指责：康复的表现
第14章填补空虚之镜：结束自恋母亲的影响
育儿浅说
同情
责任
特权
价值
不仅要看重自己的成就，更要看重自己的人格
真诚
家庭等级
和他人的关系
内在母亲——你的向导
找到生活中的爱
恋爱关系中的治疗目标
你和你的朋友
镜子
我受到自恋的影响了吗
参考文献
推荐阅读书籍与观赏影片

FAQ

Does this book teach people how to be a good mother?

Not entirely. It focuses more on helping women understand their relationship with their mothers and how that relationship affects the way they treat their children. The book discusses mechanisms such as intergenerational transmission, emotional deprivation, and overcompensation. Its purpose is to increase awareness, not to provide a standardized parenting manual. Readers can gain perspectives for understanding their own situations and then consider directions for change in light of their actual circumstances.

Is it suitable for mothers who have only sons, not daughters?

Yes. The book's core discussion is about how a mother's own upbringing affects her parenting, including phenomena such as overprotection, excessive expectations, and forced arrangements. These are not limited to mother-daughter relationships. Readers can apply the book's analytical framework to their relationships with their own children and understand how intergenerational influence works in families with different gender combinations.

Will reading this book make people resent their mothers?

The book does touch on deprivation and trauma from growing up, but its purpose is not to assign blame—it is to understand how intergenerational transmission forms. Readers may experience complex emotions while reading, which is part of self-reflection. It is advisable to read with awareness, focusing on understanding mechanisms and reshaping the self rather than staying at the level of accusation; seek professional support if needed.

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About the author

卡瑞尔.麦克布莱德 Author · American

Karyl McBride is an American psychotherapist. Public information about her is limited: neither her dates of birth and death nor her full educational background are clearly recorded. What can be confirmed is that she has long worked as a psychotherapist and has focused her clinical attention on a subtle yet far-reaching aspect of family relationships—the lasting effect of narcissistic mothers on their daughters' development and psychological well-being. Her representative work, Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, centers on this theme and belongs to applied psychology written for general readers rather than professional peers. Rather than piling up jargon, the book presents emotional patterns in mother-daughter interactions in an accessible way, helping readers recognize harm that is easily hidden under the name of maternal love, and exploring the possibility of healing and self-rebuilding. Her practical style, close to everyday experience, brings a professional therapeutic perspective into popular reading and offers a concrete, accessible entry point for public discussion of these issues.

于玲娜 Author

Yu Lingna is a Chinese book author about whom limited public information is available. Two works can currently be confirmed under her name: Memories, Dreams, Reflections (C. G. Jung's autobiography) and The Ties of Motherly Love. Her writing covers two categories, biography and applied psychology. Judging from these works, her efforts focus on introducing and organizing classic texts in the fields of psychoanalysis and personal growth. The former centers on Jung's autobiographical recollections, presenting the psychologist's reflections on dreams, thought, and his life course; the latter focuses on the complex emotions and psychological effects within the mother-love relationship. Taken together, the two works show a preference for exploring individual inner experience and family relationships in depth, with the writing serving to present and convey texts rather than to recount personal history. Because biographical details about the author are lacking, her place of origin, education, and professional background cannot be verified; readers come to know her mainly through these translated and edited works.