The Curse of Loveliness

Name: The Curse of Loveliness
ISBN: 9787510840944

雅基·马森 / 王丽Jiuzhou Press · ChinaJul 2022

3.8

Word count: 103K words
Chapters: 15
ISBN: 9787510840944

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Summary

In life there are always people who devote most of their energy to family, friends and colleagues, and cannot refuse strangers either. The moment they stop, they feel overwhelming guilt, as if under a 'curse of loveliness'. In their eyes, everything ranks above their own physical and mental health, so they support everyone around them until they collapse. Psychologists call such people, who treat kindness as their only rule of behavior and suffer endless grievances for it, 'saint-like personalities'. The author is a psychotherapist who once suffered from this curse herself: she kept driving for her family and even went boating with a broken arm, until a doctor's diagnosis and a cast finally allowed her to rest. That experience made her realize she had to break the curse. This book is not about abandoning kindness to the world, but about daring to claim some time and freedom for yourself, because everyone has the right to love themselves well.

Editor's review

The Curse of Being Nice is not a light psychology read; it sharply dissects a widespread yet often overlooked survival predicament: the people-pleasing personality. Drawing on her extensive background as a psychotherapist, Jacqui Marson precisely names this behavior pattern the curse of being nice, meaning people trapped by labels such as friendly and helpful who constantly sacrifice themselves and drain their emotions to win others' approval. The book's value lies not only in deep pathological analysis but in a clear, practical action guide. Through many real counseling cases, Marson reveals the fears behind pleasing behavior (such as fear of rejection or conflict) and systematically guides readers in setting healthy psychological boundaries and learning to say no appropriately. Its core is not to make people cold or selfish but to rebuild a balanced relationship pattern that respects both oneself and others. For those deeply caught in it, reading this book may be an opportunity to begin self-awareness and even bring a turning point in life. The exercises offered (such as the bill of rights and fear setting) are highly actionable; practice alongside reading for best results.

Who it's for

A good fit for

People who feel chronically exhausted, find it hard to refuse requests, and put others' needs above their own
Readers who want to improve relationship patterns and build healthy psychological boundaries and self-esteem
Those interested in psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy who want to understand the causes of and remedies for people-pleasing
Individuals who feel suppressed and lost after over-accommodating others at home or at work

Not a good fit for

Readers seeking light entertainment or quick-success techniques
People resistant to in-depth psychological self-analysis and exercises, with no current desire to change

Reading tips

Read in a relatively quiet, undisturbed setting to allow for the reflection and exercises in the book
Keep a notebook to record feelings and insights as you read and to complete the practical assignments
Do not rush; after each chapter, pause to think about and digest it in light of your own experience

About the publisher

Jiuzhou Press China · Founded in 1993

Jiuzhou Press is a comprehensive publisher with humanities, social sciences, and classic works as important publishing directions, maintaining a sustained focus on philosophy, history, literature, and social culture. Its catalogue includes works by modern literary masters such as Xiao Hong and Lu Xun, as well as intellectual and art history works by Xu Fuguan, including A History of Chinese Theories of Human Nature: Pre-Qin Volume, A History of Han Thought, and The Spirit of Chinese Art: A Study of Shitao. It also translates and introduces overseas academic works such as Peter H. Wilson's The Thirty Years War: Europe's Tragedy and Peter Suber's The Case of the Speluncean Explorers, and covers cross-cultural exchange themes such as From Dunhuang to Samarkand. Its publishing character lies in balancing the organization of original texts with academic translation, forming relatively stable author and title resources in categories including philosophy, military affairs, theory, and social culture. More complete information about the press's publishing history and plans is limited in publicly available sources; this summary is based only on the titles in the catalogue.

版权信息
引言可爱的诅咒
第一章期望的牢笼
第二章一切从“可爱的孩子”开始
第三章各种“可爱”之人
第四章身体的感受与情绪的觉察
第五章内心深处的暴徒
第六章你也有好好爱自己的权利
第七章清晰表达的艺术
第八章挑战你的恐惧系数
第九章高级行为实验：敢于让人失望
第十章 BEAR四步法：呼吸—赞扬—接受—尊重
第十一章 “可爱”的赐福
附录1：参考文献
附录2：相关资源

FAQ

How is this book different from general interpersonal communication books?

The book's focus is not general communication skills but a specific, stubborn behavior pattern: people-pleasing. From a psychotherapy perspective, it systematically analyzes its causes (often related to childhood experience) and maintenance mechanisms and offers professional solutions based on cognitive behavioral therapy, with greater depth of pathological analysis and a more systematic approach to change.

Will reading this book make me selfish?

Quite the opposite. The book's core goal is to help readers break the vicious cycle of overgiving and resentment and find balance between caring for others and caring for themselves. Healthy selfishness, that is, reasonable self-care, is the foundation of mental health; it lets people connect with others in a more genuine and sustainable way rather than giving with a sense of sacrifice and resentment.

Are the methods hard to put into practice?

Changing deep-rooted behavior patterns inevitably takes time and practice. Author Jacqui Marson, an experienced therapist, breaks the methods into concrete, step-by-step actions (such as practicing refusal starting with small things and keeping an emotion diary). The difficulty is taking the first step outside your comfort zone, but if you practice consistently as guided, change will gradually come.

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About the author

雅基·马森 Author

Jacqui Marson is an author of books on applied psychology and personal growth. Public information about her is limited, and her nationality, dates of birth and death, and educational background are not clearly documented. Three of her works are currently included in the collection: The Curse of the Lovable, Love Yourself and Shine: A Self-Help Handbook for the "Good Girl" Personality, and Self-Improvement for Introverts (4 Volumes). Her writing focuses on applied psychology and self-growth, addressing people-pleasing, self-worth, and self-improvement for introverts. Her books aim to help readers recognize unhealthy psychological patterns and learn to set boundaries and accept themselves. The Curse of the Lovable and the "Good Girl" handbook both center on the tendency to please others excessively and are written for general readers who wish to break people-pleasing habits and strengthen self-identity. Overall, her works take the form of accessible, practical self-help guides and are representative of applied psychology and inspirational personal-growth writing.

王丽 Author

Wang Li is an author about whom little public information is available; her nationality, dates of birth and death, and educational background are not clearly recorded. Judging from the sixty-three works held in the collection, her writing and editorial work span a wide range of fields. These include medical subjects such as Li Zhongyu's Surgery, as well as inspirational growth and applied psychology, such as The Key Skills for Resolving Conflict: How to Increase Your Effective Social Interaction and The Curse of Being Cute. She has also taken part in translating and compiling classic works, including The Left-Handed Woman by the 2019 Nobel Laureate in Literature Peter Handke. In addition, readers for children and popular science, such as Little Stories Told by Adults, Cute Animals' Big Show, Every Bird Has Its Turn on Stage, and Happy Camp for Fierce Beasts, show her care for knowledge popularization and lively expression. Overall, her works combine practicality with readability and cover a broad range of subjects suited to readers of different ages and interests.